I've been so happy and so hurt in the past few days.

I admit, it was my own fault. I didn't trust him, I didn't take the initiative to find out what was wrong until I felt like he let me down.

But really, its always been me letting people down.

But you know, I realise it really is easier to pretend I don't care. Or pretend that I'm happy.

There was only once, during rehearsal, that I felt like wtf I can't smile now!

But the rest, did it really matter?

The thing is, I can only guess what's wrong.

Maybe its pressure, maybe its home, maybe its as simple as he doesn't like me anymore.

At the beginning I was like, seriously? Come on, grow up and stop playing games. Either be with me or don't.

Cos it fucking sucks being played around like that.

Not like it doesn't already happen enough.

But I swallowed all of that and then I was like 'okay I'll try to make you happy cos I know you're really stressed out'.

Really, is it so difficult to not always think of yourself? Its a good attitude to have in Dance but then again you're not attached to dance.

And okay maybe I am the pot calling the kettle black but I try.

And on the other end you don't give a damn about what I wrote to you.

You think it was a piece of cake to write it? You think I didn't put in enough thought? My dear, I've been thinking about the same thing for months! And you're not making it easier.

You won't let go of me when I want to be with others, or be on my own, and you won't think of me when there is a possibility of any benefits happening.

Its not just once or twice. Its not just a matter of months.

I'm tired.

Stop pushing me away and pulling me in. I know its my own fault for having no backbone, but is it so difficult to be consistently nice? Or am I wrong for expecting the people I love to put in the same amount of effort consistently? I'm not saying I have sucky friends omg, I just wish I didn't feel so hurt. It doesn't have to be so complicated guys. I really wish I could ask clearly, what in the world is bothering you so much that you think its perfectly okay to ignore me or talk to me so coldly. Cos even though I'm good at waiting, my patience does have a limit. 可能是我想多了 可能是我自己太自私了 可是我不玩複雜的遊戲 你不是要我這個朋友 就是不要 別天天換注意 我是人 被這樣玩 我寧可自己一個