Fucking stressed out.

Sorry for the language, but I'm so tired of this feeling.

WHY IN THE WORLD AM I GIVEN OPPORTUNITIES I'M NOT EVEN READY FOR?!

And the most screwed up thing is, I can't even complain, cos people are dying for this opportunity.

Honest to God, this isn't a difficult piece.

Really... I mean, its only the 8th rehearsal and we've almost finished 19 minutes.

Its just, I'm not her. And she's like so far from where I am how can I ever come close?

And everyone's talking about how little they have to do and how boring this whole thing is and I understand but I feel slightly... envious.

I know I am so honored to be given this part to dance, I don't know why but its okay, I'm honored.

But the last time and in fact every single time I do a solo, it freaking sucks. Like to the COREEEEE.

(Even though I have no core. -_-)

I really suck.

FTS.

I hate who I am.

I hate the little value that I have to myself and to others.

Right now I really need someone to be here to tell me that I'm gonna do okay, that I'm not as unimportant as I think I am.

But there isn't anyone left.

I've been chasing after the things that won't turn back, and pushing away the ones that will.

This isn't a mess. Its a lesson to teach me... either stand up by yourself or collapse by yourself.

When I am done whining, hopefully I'll be standing....